They say, ‘Kamaan se Nikla Teer aur Zabaan se Nikli Baat Vaapas Nahi Aate.’
Nothing could be more true perhaps, aren’t there certain conversations we wished never happened? If at all they did, why did we leave the conversation unfinished?
An Apology to myself, A letter…
I know how you loathed them all, when they sermoned about how heavenly it was to live with your grandparents. For you, it was far from it. A joint family, constant bickering, and your mother’s tears. Her freedom and happiness were ever curbed, and invariably, you linked her plight with DADI. DADI was strict, head of the family and your villain.
Wonder what happened that day, when as an adolescent, you decided to take matters into your hands. A slight provocation from her and you lashed out. All pent-up frustration gave way, you gave her a piece of your mind, as you banged the door at her. Serves her right, you had thought on your way to college. Of course, your heart broke when you reached home to the news of her massive stroke.
None blamed you, it wasn’t your fault, why then, after all these years, do you still regret that outburst? Is it because you could never actually connect with her, or, you couldn’t utter that one word, “Sorry!’
Is it, that you now understand, that she was human too, widowed young, trying to hold her children together? She erred at times, but you could have sat down with her, perhaps, just talked.
I’m glad that you’ve realized now, never leave a conversation unfinished. Advice or apology, do it then, at that moment. Who knows, where we’ll be when the moment passes.
Your Mature Self.